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Wednesday, December 24, 2008 ;
...namun rindu ku ini semakin mendalam
Kasih di hati nyala bagai bara
Teguhnya tangkai bagai cinta ku
Namun berbunga hampa
Pedihnya ku hadapi perpisahan
Biarpun harapanku telah hancur berderai
Kan ku hiasi kenangan ku laman rindu...
i've been 'reading' some rumours, but i don't even know how true it is. yes, it cuts me deeply but i can't do anything. nothing can change. i know it've been month(S) since everything happened, but i can't get over everything. it's never easy to forgo somethingone you REALLY love. i AM really tired of sighing, whinning about all this, trust me but there's nothing i could do. i've always wanted to shut this mouth of mine but i can't. i would feel extremely terrible if i do. i don't wanna cry anymore. my eyes no longet can take all those tears. i know moving on is the best remedy, but how could i when everything's still stay vividly in my mind and heart? i know he've already move on. prolly, he's happy now with the 'perfect girl' that he've been searching for. only me, still stuck in the past and could no longer see the future, yet. sigh.
whatever it is, i still miss you. very very much. no one could understand how i feel towards you, no one. it's so painful to see you with someone else. too and extremely painful. i rather shot myself with a gun instead of going through this broken heart thingy. to tell you the truth, i'm too hurt with you that i'm not opening my heart towards other guys. not now. i'm too scared to fall and get trapped in LOVE and in the end, getting hurt. i don't know till when you're gonna stay in my heart. i'm looking forward for the day that i've clean forgotten about you. like what Hazreen say, "i believe, one day you will talk about some other guy instead of him."
*tears*
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life have been super hectic this week, and i know i've been ignoring this blog. i'm physically and mentally drenched of tiredness. due to lack of sleep, i'm getting this on and off headache but Alhamdulillah, i'm still healthy. only that i've got some ringworms and rashes on my face and neck. NOT because i'm dirty or what eh, the ringworm is due to the extreme sweat when i'm doing 630am shift. rashes? as per normal, monthly routine.
looking forward for chalet this weekend. (psst, its been a year since the last family chalet that i remembered i 'fought' with him. sigh, another memory eahk.)
till here then.
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